I’ve always found this hard

As I sit here to write to you, I’m tucked away in my sacred space (my closet :)) looking out at the rain, the trees, the sky. Candle is lit. Laid out before me on a tiny table are various physical anchors that serve as gentle reminders to be present to what is, to remember my connection to a power greater than me. Tiny found elements from nature that I’ve added also remind me that spring is upon us, that winter is slowly fading away as new life appears. A tiny, cracked, now empty bird egg, sprigs of green and moss providing beauty and a wonder of what is possible, as well as a reminder of what beauty surrounds me every day, even in the chaos of life.

Creating this kind of space has never come easy to me. In fact, I was that girl who never stayed home longer than an afternoon before I was off to see someone; the girl who would leave the phone off the hook all night with a friend just to not be alone (ever do that?). I would leave the house as soon as I got my license and come home only when I had to.

I avoided silence. That’s when uncomfortable feelings or thoughts could come barging in and who wants to feel that? Not me.

I’ve carried this pattern throughout most of my life, still do sometimes.

If it’s too quiet, these thoughts might appear:

what am I doing?
what will happen if?
will my mom ever leave her chair and have any form of a life again?
what if the next project I have doesn’t work out?
what if I fail?
will my kids be ok?
will my marriage be ok?
what happens in the next 5 years?
what is the meaning of life?
what can I do with all the loss and pain in the world?

Can you relate?

So instead, I get really super busy with all the things I HAVE to do. I make all kinds of lists and to-dos and feel overwhelmed just reading it. Then somehow the days and weeks bleed together and wham, time has flown and I’m not sure whether I was actually living my life or just really busy catching up to it.

I’ve been there and know you probably have too.

And sometimes it’s not our own to-do lists, but life providing unexpected chaos that we didn’t see coming – like recently when my house got hit with flu (twice) and then strep, all in the middle of emotions running high from boys who miss their friends and everything feeling new.

So. Much. At. Once.

Creating sacred space in my life to breathe, to sit in silence, to pray, to immerse myself in gratitude is now something I’m drawn into by circumstance or maybe an innate need, and now also by choice. I cling to the truths I know at my core about who I am and the power of opening up to receive the guidance I seek. I cling to the knowing that I’m not alone. These knowings give me life. Creating this space opens up the remembering, the knowing.

I no longer run from these times when I can be quiet. I made that choice 6 years ago when I gave up trying to run and decided to show up. To feel the hard stuff.

I finally realized there was no way out but through. Because not feeling the hard stuff also means that nothing heals, leaving me right back at square one.

I can run and run and do and do, but if I never make space to listen and receive guidance and understanding, I will just be doing and running and busy, and most likely struggling.

I want more from my life, my relationships, my soul.

What about you?

Is it hard for you to get still?

Do you crave more space in your life?

How do you make space for quiet?

When you do make this kind of space, what are the shifts you notice in your life?

Do you need more support in this area of your life?

Let me know in the comments or send me a message.

P.S. Coming up in the month of March, I will hosting 2 Facebook lives to continue to talk about being intentional in our lives. I would love for you to join us! To show up live, you can go to my Facebook page HERE on Tuesday, Mar. 6th at 12 pm PST and Tuesday, Mar. 20th at 12pm PST. Mark your calendar and I will also send reminders closer to those dates!