This message was coming through loud and clear…

I’ve been hearing a consistent theme over the course of the past few weeks with my private clients and women’s group. One thing I’ve learned is when one of us is feeling something, we are not alone in this feeling.

The holidays and end of year festivities, bring A LOT. They can bring a lot of fun, events, parties, gatherings, family get togethers and the whole world can feel lit up with all the lights being strung from rooftops and trees.

It can all feel so magical, but sometimes that’s not at all what we feel is it?

I had a client recently who is dealing with profound tragedy in her community and feelings of loss and grief and she shared that it just feels even worse to feel all of this, when she is “supposed” to feel happy at the holidays right?

She felt there wasn’t space for her grief and that somehow it was wrong to have shown up, especially at this time of the year.

One of the things I hear from clients a lot is that they have a constant internal dialogue with the “should’s in their lives. At the holidays, this seems to get even louder.

I was journaling the other day, as I prepare for an upcoming workshop and I had written down, “drop the should’s” and “supposed to’s” to create space for the “I choose to’s.”

This message was coming through loud and clear for a lot of women, myself included.

Just the other night my husband and I had plans to go to a holiday party that we had been invited to. However, for the past two weeks I had been dealing with back pain that had me in a constant state of pain. Two of my boys weren’t feeling well and I still had this party on our calendar.

I was driving in the car on my way back from a pedicure for said party, and stopped to ask and really listen, what was the answer, should we go or not? I didn’t have a clear answer.

When I got home, my husband asked me if we were going to go to the party, and as I spoke I got my answer! My exact words were, “I feel like we should…..” As soon as I heard the word should fall from my mouth, I knew the answer. No! I exclaimed, as he looked at me like I had 2 heads over my excitement about this knowing. 🙂 No, we aren’t going because it’s a “should” and I’ve already declared I’m dropping the “should’s”, so there! Answer received.

Instead, we sat by the fire, drank hot cocoa and I iced my back. I thought about how awkward it would have been to go to the party and sit there in pain, with a smile on my face chatting about who knows what, but there I was almost prepared to do it, because, you know, the “should’s.”

So, my email to you in all of this is just a loving reminder to you as well as a message, to acknowledge the “should’s” in your life. Noticing them is the first step. Most of the time, we spew them out unconsciously and they are leaking out all over the place in multiple ways in our lives.

Now that you’re aware, write them down. Pour them out on the page. I always encourage clients to have a small journal tucked in their purse or car. You never know when they will arise and writing them down is super helpful.

Then ask yourself some questions. Who says I should? Is this my voice or another voice, maybe from society, a friend, co-worker, parent? What is underneath the should? Fear of letting someone down, being seen as weak, fear of missing out, fear of being on the outside?

Then write those down. See how they feel. Empowering? Disempowering? Are they yours? Are they based in fear, shame or blame? Just notice.

Then go to the other side of the page and make another list.

This side is titled, I Choose to:

I choose to take care of my pain.

I choose to make space for my grief and loss this holiday season.

I choose to send a note of gratitude for an invite I received letting that person know I won’t make the party, but I sure appreciate their friendship.

I choose to go to bed early so my body has time to heal.

I choose to return to curiosity without judgement with all my thoughts and feelings that come through, and in so doing, I return to LOVE every time.

I choose to experience this holiday season the way that my life is inviting me to experience it, without the “should’s”, “suppose to’s”, but a heck of a lot of intention and I “choose to’s”.

I would love to hear what “should’s” you are noticing in your own life right now, so hit reply and share them with me. I’m always holding space for your highest intention and support you in this never linear, full of possibility, life journey of letting go and saying yes to yourself!

Sending you so much love,

P.S. Coming 2019, I am creating space in my calendar for you to schedule a connection call.

*If you have been in this community for years and would love to connect in a deeper conversation, this is for you.

*If you are dealing with a place of stuckness or transition in your life, this call is for you.

*If you are curious about what you could begin to create in 2019 in your life, but are not sure where to begin, this call is for you.

I have absolutely no attachment to the outcome of our call together. This call may be a way for you to just connect with me and that is enough or you may be in a place where you are ready to do some deep soul shifting work together and that is beautiful too. What unfolds from our call is always beautiful no matter what the outcome.

Connection is my jam and holding sacred space for you to be you, let go and say yes, is my gift.

Here is the link to schedule your own connection call with me for 2019.